Asking's THE Way to Show Me The Way

Coaching is more about  facilitating answers than providing some. The very word facilitate brings out two aspects... one that a coach needs to be neutral (not hold a coachee against his / her views and opinions) and the other is to appreciate the concern of the individual from his or her standpoint.

How can one be neutral? Is it possible that one can remain unopinionated or not hold opinions when a coachee shares a situation?

It is tough. Then, how does one manage this? Simply by building an ability to ask caring questions that draw out an individual's point of view. Thus you can ask me why I feel the way I feel. Having opinions or forming opinions is quite natural. However, sticking to them and trying to filter my situation from the same is going to be detrimental to demonstration of care / concern for me.

To understand my issue, you as a coach need to walk the path I tread despite the fact that you have every right to disagree with me. When I say you tread the path, you need to remember you are beside me. That's termed as being empathetic. It's about your ability as a coach to not just get into my shoes (by removing yours first) and then walking in them for a while (only when you walk in a pair shoes does it pinch). To appreciate how I experience the  pinch, you as a coach need to get yourself into  

You as a coach can facilitate my reliving the situations and exploring alternatives (should I face the same again). To achieve this you need to ask me questions that are genuine and caring to the core. You need to remember, I can smell any of your opinions through the questions that you ask me. Your phrasing and tone of questioning gives your views away to me. Your questions that speak your attitude tell me: either you want me to agree with you or tell me that you do not think what I'm saying is the case. Both are detrimental to our coach-coachee relationship.

Building self-confidence, self-esteem and self-respect are the additional advantages that you help me with besides drawing the answers out of me through this questioning process. Once lead me through this process, I also realise the one who gets into a situation also needs to learn to get out of it. 

Einstein's says (though not in exact words) To solve a problem you need to be at a level higher than where it is created. Through a caring questioning process you get an helicopter / aerial view of the problem and thus will be able to facilitate my problem solving. 

Thanks to you coach for trusting that I'm capable of solving my problems.