Asking's THE Way to Show Me The Way

Coaching is more about  facilitating answers than providing some. The very word facilitate brings out two aspects... one that a coach needs to be neutral (not hold a coachee against his / her views and opinions) and the other is to appreciate the concern of the individual from his or her standpoint.

How can one be neutral? Is it possible that one can remain unopinionated or not hold opinions when a coachee shares a situation?

It is tough. Then, how does one manage this? Simply by building an ability to ask caring questions that draw out an individual's point of view. Thus you can ask me why I feel the way I feel. Having opinions or forming opinions is quite natural. However, sticking to them and trying to filter my situation from the same is going to be detrimental to demonstration of care / concern for me.

To understand my issue, you as a coach need to walk the path I tread despite the fact that you have every right to disagree with me. When I say you tread the path, you need to remember you are beside me. That's termed as being empathetic. It's about your ability as a coach to not just get into my shoes (by removing yours first) and then walking in them for a while (only when you walk in a pair shoes does it pinch). To appreciate how I experience the  pinch, you as a coach need to get yourself into  

You as a coach can facilitate my reliving the situations and exploring alternatives (should I face the same again). To achieve this you need to ask me questions that are genuine and caring to the core. You need to remember, I can smell any of your opinions through the questions that you ask me. Your phrasing and tone of questioning gives your views away to me. Your questions that speak your attitude tell me: either you want me to agree with you or tell me that you do not think what I'm saying is the case. Both are detrimental to our coach-coachee relationship.

Building self-confidence, self-esteem and self-respect are the additional advantages that you help me with besides drawing the answers out of me through this questioning process. Once lead me through this process, I also realise the one who gets into a situation also needs to learn to get out of it. 

Einstein's says (though not in exact words) To solve a problem you need to be at a level higher than where it is created. Through a caring questioning process you get an helicopter / aerial view of the problem and thus will be able to facilitate my problem solving. 

Thanks to you coach for trusting that I'm capable of solving my problems.  

Train or Coach

You train when one knows little. You coach when one knows how to perform but does not perform to one's potential or to the level expected.

You train when you know the other does not know.... You coach one when you know one knows it yet is unable to reach one's potential. So training starts with a basic assumption that one does not have knowledge or skills (totally or partially)... while coaching trusts one has the knowledge and skills, yet needs to fine tune them. Hence, the belief that answer lies within the individual. So the effort to facilitate individual's finding solutions to challenges on one's own.

You can train for skills and coach for better performance only if one shows the will to improve.

CoaCh's Corner

CoaCh's Corner aims to

• provide a platform for passionate coaches to share and learn from each other's experiences
• raise and respond to queries that concern coaching relationships and people development
• grow individuals mentally and emotionally to take care of oneself

MY BELIEF: Teach one how to fish .... you don't catch one for them.

Coaching is always done by being along with people... never by being before them nor behind them. Reason: If you are ahead of them, their challenges may be behind you and you miss noticing them (they may not look like challenges)... if you are behind them, you are distanced from their challenge and you may feel it's too difficult.

In both the cases you miss the view of the challenges and the perspectives... by being with them you get to see the challenges the way they see them.

Another advantage of being with them or by their side is that you never interfere with their experience of it... you can only be a catalyst. On the other hand if you are ahead of them, you slow them down and if you are behind them, you may run into them... collision or conflict is the possibility. Which is avoided by being with them.

Being a coach you facilitate their train of thoughts ... by being by their side... unlike a (train/rail) coach that normally follows the engine